TECHNIQUE FOR TRANSFORMATION: "darkness to light"

This is a straightforward and practical tool for transformation which is principally about a shift of focus from negative to positive, or as the title of the tool suggests, from darkness to light.  We'll use an example many will be able to relate to in order to explain the simple steps.

step one: list the top ten "aspects of darkness"
If there is a situation you'd like to transform, think about what's bad about the current scenario. So for example, let's imagine a relationship with someone that isn't working. I asked a man who was experiencing a bad relationship with his wife to do this and he came up with the following top ten aspects describing the worst side of his wife's energy. Or to put it another way these were the factors he wished to be transformed:

1. anger
2. shouting
3. negativity
4. busyness
5. tension
6. seriousness
7. coldness
8. lack of confidence
9. hate
10. diminished

Now this all sounds pretty bleak and let's not forget we focused briefly here on the worst aspects of his wife's behaviour, or to put it more accurately, his perception of the worst aspects. Most of the time his relationship with his wife was fine and these descriptors would not apply. But they were present sufficiently to be of major concern.

step two: transform the "darkness to light"
For each of the ten attributes of darkness, make an equivalent list of light or, to put it another way, list what you'd like to experience for each item on the original list.  For the man in our case study the list looked like this:

1. peace
2. quiet
3. positivity
4. flow
5. relaxation
6. lightness
7. warmth
8. confidence
9. love
10. growth

step three: visualise the light - be flooded by it
If you are supporting a friend or client in this process, ask them to read their new list slowly, pausing after each descriptor and visualising what that would look like in relationship with the person in question.

step four: get practical - take action
For each descriptor on the new list think of one simple, tangible action that could be taken in the coming week that would make the most progress to the light.  Make sure the actions (where appropriate) are put in the diary.  For our case study, the list produced was:

1. take her to a local hilltop with two chairs and a glass of wine - sit and watch the world go by
2. resist talking enthusiastically about own work for one week unless asked
3. respond immediately (if reasonable and practicable) and enthusiastically if asked to help
4. take an easy and flexible stance on what to do together - without appearing disinterested
5. go out for a nice meal - somewhere special
6. ask how things have been each day and listen easily and with interest to the response without having too many ideas about them
7. make cups of coffee etc with extra touch of maybe a biscuit and always serve with a warm smile
8. offer only positive feedback for what she does - ask questions that allow her to focus on her successes
9. say thank you for all acts of kindness she does for me and the family
10. ask for her help in something I need to do where I know she'll enjoy providing it

step four: review the progress at the end of the week
Again, diary discipline is important here.  Make sure the review date is in the diary, including a chance to meet with our friend or coach if that's helpful.  Then simply go over every action in turn and check progress, evaluate blockages, explore new options and make new commitments.  From here make the timescales to suit the need.